It's so good to know that someone has your back. Someone who you can trust and trusts you. I had missed that in Tristan. When he and manda started going out, I was afraid to continue talking to him. She gets jealous and I didn't want the same thing to happen that happened with Josh. So I finally got to a root of my problem here. I feel as though if I move forward, like meet new guys and make close friends I'm betraying Manda and Matt. But that's not the case, they are moving ahead, and so should I. Just because I didn't go all the way to Japan doesn't mean that I don't deserve the same thing. And more to the point, I'm at a new school, and the opportunities are endless. I've been so busy feeling guilty for going forward I was hindering myself. And then I get pissed for not going forward. leading to...just a bad combination. So I'm not going to do that to myself. I'm going to let myself embrace everything here. I still have my old friends, and they have me. It doesn't mean that I can't make new ones. As for guys, M and I aren't even together. We broke up, and I don't have to decide that I'm like going to spend the rest of my life with him or anything. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to betray him. But if we are not together then how can I betray him? Should a guy come into my life then fine. But I wont dispell it just because of him. He doesn't want that for me anyway. Yeahness, maybe tonight I can finally get a good night sleep.