I'm procrasinating and it's going to kick me in the ass. I have to write/edit 3 essays, study for chem, finish a novel, and basically just work my ass of on each and every subject for my classes. But I don't wanna, I just want to relax and sit and do nothing. However knowing me I wont be able to do that until I get a fair portion of my work done. *sigh* what's a girl to do. Oh! Matt and I celebrated our 4 month yesterday. It was so fun, even though it started out lame. We went to see a movie that was so bad we left early. So we just went back to his place and snuggled and hungout. It was just what I needed. It reaffirmed how much I love him and he loves me. I know that sounds waaaaaaaaaayyyy too much but we were friends for 3 years before we went out. So technically there was love already there.

Just when I think that its going to be an okay weekend, I get a punch in the stomach. I thought it was going to be good because I felt I could actually managae my workload this weekend. I got done all of my chem homework and actually understood it. I didnt have to write a speech, or any essays. All I would have to do is read, which I actually enjoy doing. And then my boyfriend calls me. He is visiting his friend up at Mannsfeild college this weekend with some of their friends. And Matt likes the college. A lot. Enough that he confided in me that he can see himself going there. He likes the campus and finds it relaxing. He's interested in majoring in history. I'm sooo proud of him, I congratulate him, then I remember. Mannsfield is FIVE HOURS AWAY. I couldnt help it, I started crying. I got of the phone and just sat numbly on the bed while the dogs (Im dog sitting this weekend) eyed me curoisly. What the fuck am I supposed to think! I want him to go to college, he wont have a future if he doesn't go. And it has always been a huge concern in our relationship. But 5 hours away! After calling some friends, my mother(who made it worse) and thought about it for the better part of the day, I know what I have to do. I have to support him, I know Matt, he would do anything for me, including giving up this opportunity. I would never be able to live with myself if he did that. I love him too much to just hold him back, plus it goes against my morals. I say this and yet I can feel the tears building up again, my body aches. How can I face him with a smile on my face, when all I want to do is cry and cling. I'm pathetic. We've only been dating for 3 months. And they havent been easy, they have tested us, me. I'm going to push him to do this. Even if it breaks my heart. I dont care if we've only been together for 3 months. We've been friends for 3 years! My mother says I'm overreacting. But then again my mother has been heartbroken numerous times and is now cynical about love. So am I overreacting?